love makes seman taste better
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
