3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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