shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
