good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
