I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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