I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
