Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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