dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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