My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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