I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
