If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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