I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
