He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
