i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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