I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
