Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
