in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I love having hate sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
