the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
