So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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