Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
