Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
