I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
