There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
