I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Liz is crying about burritos again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
