We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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