I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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