My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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