I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
