So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
