he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
