Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize