You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
well you can't waste a boner
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
