He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
