I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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