and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
