I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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