There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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