I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
