im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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