Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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