...so i touched it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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