My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
