You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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