you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
