Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's blow job season.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
