The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im just a social blackout drinker.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
