i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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