conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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