i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
