i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
