i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
