he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
