You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
