His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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