those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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