We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize