I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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