She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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