I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
