it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
