i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
