i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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