I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
