So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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