he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
