I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
